It’s not something you expect or are ever be prepared for, in fact majority of the time they come when your plans are the exact opposite, when your resolve is so set in stone, that the thing they bring seems ridiculously impossible. Sometimes life likes to slam you in the face with a firkin curveball. They come in all different shapes and forms with one key similarity, once hit by one, the trajectory of our lives are forever changed.
I have had a few of these lovelies in my life, things that so rocked the foundation I stood on I no longer knew what was up and what was down. They have come in different forms over the years. It was…
Finding out in 7th grade that I’d be moving to California in a month.
Accidentally joining swim in high school and ending up going to state.
Having my stepfather tell me I couldn’t go to Art school and I’d never graduate from college, and doing it in spite of him.
Dropping out of Art school, moving back home, starting over and in the process finding my passion for history and academia .
Having to quit Disney to study in Hungary.
Studying in Hungary, going abroad and finding myself for the first time.
Catching the travel bug.
Traveling to Ireland and getting into grad school.
Realizing the weight of student debt and turning down grad school to come to Thailand.
… and most recently, the curve ball that has my world spinning and has once again changed life as I know it…
Meeting a handsome stranger in Bangkok, a meeting that almost didn’t happen, and a stranger who you end up talking to for hours. It’s when he invites you to stay with him and his friends on Koh Phangane because you decided last minute to go and everything is booked up. It’s spending every minute together for the next two weeks, talking and joking and falling hard for each other. Its in traveling together through Malaysia, and working well as a team. Its in realizing that this bubble is not reality, but letting go and wearing your heart on your sleeve anyway, because for the first time, being vulnerable no longer scares you, it feels right.
But it is also in him leaving. The last hours spent holding each other in silence wishing the morning wouldn’t come, trying as hard as you can not to fall asleep. It’s in him really leaving, and the void that is left in his absence. It’s in Skyping 3 times a day, and realizing this may be more than a backpacker romance, that even though you normally have rules against long distance relationships, or feeling too much too fast, none of that seems to matter.
He is my curve ball, and for the first time I am okay with being vulnerable, throwing caution to the wind and not caring what others think. For I am smitten, and I cannot wait to go to Ireland.