This story is part of a fictional series called 365 days of fiction. This is day one. Photography by Jnix Photog
She sat there, consumed by her thoughts. It seemed as though everything and nothing came into her mind at the same time. But that was how it was for her. The constant tides of everything and nothing. Constantly searching the concaves of her vast and echoing mind for some kind of meaning, some kind of anything amongst the noise and chaos that constantly surrounded her.
It had been 12 days since she had been outside. Since she had interacted with anyone beyond her grey tabby cat who pawed at her for attention she just didn’t have the energy to give. Even now he circled the empty food bowl peering up at her with the desperation of a being who knew its life rested in her hands.
But she had nothing.
Nothing to give, nothing to find, nothing but the noise in her head. Constantly buzzing with meaninglessness and clamor.
She could no longer recall a time when there was no noise. Didn’t know if that had ever really existed for her or whether it was just a memory formed out of a line in one of the many self help books that littered her floor, half read and neglected.
What she did know was the last time she felt hopeful, felt like there was meaning in the world. She was young, maybe 25 or so and it was right before they had taken over. She had been sitting in a park on a blanket, basking in the sun. The smell of late summer hung in the air. She had always liked that smell, it reminded her of being a kid and all the excitement she would feel when her mother would take her shopping for new school supplies. There was always something so exciting about going back to school. It was the possibility of it all, hanging in the air waiting to be reached. Yes, the possibility.
On this particular day that feeling came back to her, as she watched the families meander around. Parents playing with kids, children arguing over whose turn it was, couples walking hand in hand although silent and perturbed. She noticed it all and thought about the beautiful and vast possibilities of life, and how beautiful it was that people just lived their little ordinary existence, not seeking or needing more than that.
Beautiful she thought. And for a split second she could really feel what that kind of contentment would be like.
And then that moment passed.
Almost as quick as it had come, the moment had faded, the families were gone. And she was left to walk home in the dark, alone.