Sometimes things happen in our lives that are unplanned. They tend to be some of the most beautiful moments, ones that completely rock the solid foundations we think we are standing on. They also have the power to bring the most pain, because they were not accounted for to begin with. You couldn’t see them coming so when they do come it feels like fate, like something special, but when they leave we feel tricked. How could something we never wanted, something that until it came to us was never on our conscious radar, disappoint us so much?
Love hurts. Love is making ones soul completely vulnerable to another. Entrusting them with the care of this most vital piece of ourselves. We like to think we can choose who we fall in love with, who we can and cannot surrender everything too, well Im beginning to think this is a lie. Sometimes life just throws a curve ball and without realizing what is happening to you, you are caught in a free fall, vulnerable and unprepared.
Pain sucks, especially when it is the deep hurt of a broken heart. But it also reminds us that we are capable of love, capable of being brave, capable of living. We have put ourselves out there, taken risks, all for the hope that we may find our counterpoint in another. We fail, we fall, we get up again. Because the only thing that is stronger then the pain of a heart left broken, is the souls desire to seek love. Its like a drug, so powerful that even if we haven’t experienced its vast and omnipotent power, we want to. We crave it so naturally like an animal’s instinct to hunt or a babies instinct to cry. We will do anything for it, risk more, hurt more, get knocked down more and still have the ability to stumble and stand once again.
There have been many moments of heart breaking pain in my life, pain that cuts deeper then normal because the cause of said pain stems from loving the people closest to you and being let down over and over. This is not romantic love, its parental love, its familial. It’s the pain that comes from the love of the people who were supposed to protect you, and didn’t. Its this basic love, the first kind we experience as human beings that makes us bitter or better.
While I could take my life experiences and be completely justified in being bitter, I don’t want that to be my story. The intention of this is not to be a story of despair, but rather a story of hope. Today I would like to fully acknowledge all this pain, all those hard times, all the tears and hurt, and offer it up as a testimony of my ability to persevere and love, and continue to love even when I have every right to put up walls and hide. This is my thanksgiving, and I am so grateful for the pain because I know that with every broken heart, every failed attempt, my ability to love completely and incandescently increases exponentially, and one day a lucky man that will come along and deserve all this incredible love.