You know those moments in life where truth becomes evident, where it is as if we take the covers off of our eyes and we can see truth as it actually is. Recently I feel like I have been having one of those moments. It started, as most epiphanies seem to, out of a depressed day, yet again worrying about what to do in life, rehearsing all the empty options again and again.
But then something happened. The past week I have actively decided to get out and live. To go on hikes and take care of business instead of sitting in this depressed state worrying about a future that frankly may never even come. And for the first time I realised something about myself and my life. I have been waiting. Waiting for others to make it perfect, waiting for my perfect career to come, waiting to travel, to be home, to be anywhere but where I am, in the moment, and in this, I forgot how to actually live.
Apparently ACTION is the key to finding happiness
I now realise that I would have never found happiness at home during college because I was waiting for the next stage of life, for a proposal that would have been disastrous and a life that, in that state of mind, would have never brought contentment. I never had a chance of finding happiness in Asia because I was so consumed with missing home and the life I could have possibly maybe had if I had stayed home. The I was waiting to be in Ireland with someone I had fallen in love with. And even in Ireland, I had no hope of finding a meaningful fulfilling self because I was not living. I was waiting. Waiting for my boyfriend, waiting for life to be perfect before I would even begin to enjoy it. Even in the moments where I have taken steps forward to LIVE, I have been halted by my own need and obsession with perfection and a reliance on others for happiness. I was never actually IN THE MOMENT. I was too busy obsessing over how to make it perfect to realise that it probably actually was, and I missed it looking for better or needing to live up to some unrealistic impossible standard and not really loving it for what it was.
As the saying goes, life happens while we are making plans.
So now I have decided that:
I will not wait for the perfect relationship before I start loving and investing in others, and most importantly LOVING myself completely, AS I AM.
I will not wait for the perfect job before I start living a responsible life and considering myself a successful adult by investing in my mental self-worth.
I will not wait for the perfect situation before I get out and enjoy life.
I will ACTIVELY live my life by DOING the things I want to do NOW
I will spend my time finding ways to enrich and enjoy the small moments instead of obsessing over the future and allowing depression and anxiety to consume me.
I will ACTIVELY practice MINDFULNESS and try to remain in the moment.
I will ACT without FEAR of judgement or rejection
I will BELIEVE I am worthy of a whole and complete life filled with LOVE and JOY